Infidelity and Divorce

I recently subscribed to LifeHut because it had very cool layout. Maybe not the best reason to sign up for an RSS feed, but that’s why.

He recently had a long post on How To Not Cheat On You Partner. He’s caught a lot of flack because he’s only 24 and only been married 2 years. I’m not sure that is enough reason to discount his words. He could have studied how not to do it. He could have fought a battle with it and overcome. I think it is better to talk about specific things you agree or disagree with.

That’s being said, here’s some of my thoughts.

My favorite comment was by Adi

Try this: “How to remain faithful.”

It is much easier to plan to do something than it is to plan how to not do something.

If you are focused on making your relationship better and making it work, you aren’t going to be focused on what will get you off. That will take care of itself.

I think Chris also had a good comment:

I think that’s a true statment. I’ve never cheated on my wife – or even on any girlfriends I’ve had on the past. How didn’t I do it? The same way I’ve never robbed a bank, committed murder or watching a colorized version of The Maltese Falcan. Although there may have been times when one or more of these seemed like an attractive possibility on some hypothetical level, they simply weren’t acceptable options.

Everyone has their limits and if you want to remain faithful, that has to be one of them.

After 17 years of marriage and knowing a number of couples that have had infidelity in their relationships, I’ll add a couple of data points.

1.) Divorce and infidelity don’t have to go together. The couple I think has the best relationship of all the people I know has had infidelity twice in the course of their 20+ years, but are still together.

2.) Infidelity isn’t always about sex. This is especially true of women. A women is much more likely to cheat to get emotional feelings than physical ones. And sex is about more than orgasm, so I’m not sure LifeHut’s advice would work. If it were then you wouldn’t need to get married in the first place.

A while back I started reading Passionate Marriage which basically says that all problems in sex are manifestations of problems in the relationship.

3.) Love is something you do, not something you feel. I mentioned it recently and posted about it awhile back.

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One thought on “Infidelity and Divorce”

  1. Hi,

    Thanks for plugging my website. I appreciate your comments above and I DO realize, after reading everyone’s comments, that I poorly wrote the article.

    Writing is still a learning experience for me and I will get better as time goes on.

    Thanks again for the comments and your data up above, it was very helpful.

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