Making others happy

I was reading Tales from a Yeti Suit and followed a comment to a post by a woman named ho on how to have a successful relationship.

Firstly when ever someone claims to have the key to doing something, you should check their results. In this case ho tells us how to have a successful relationship just over a posting on how her husband doesn’t make her happy. If you aren’t being made happy in a relationship, it isn’t successful. I realize that is a generalization. You could be unhappy because of non-relationship factors, like your spouse has cancer and is dying. Or the relationship isn’t based on your happiness, like with your banker…no I want happiness there.. like with your doctor…no I want happiness there. Mmmm…maybe all relationships are successful only if they make you happy. Hopefully you want the other person to be happy too.

That being said I posted this comment that I thought good enough to repost here.

ho, you may be making a basic mistake when trying to make someone else happy. You have to find out their rules for happiness, and not just assume your rules work for them.

Your rules are fine, and a lot of guys would love to do them for you. But apparently your husband has a different set of rules. You need to find out what those are.

Probably he’s bloging somewhere how you are always so demanding of affection, nagging him for attention all the time and then expecting him to fawn over everything you do. And all he wants is you to iron his shirts or let him have some time to himself.

There are no hard and fast rules for what makes people happy. You have to go ask them. Then you can decided if you want to do those things. Giving him what you want may no work.

Hopefully if you find out what he really wants and do it he will want to find out what you really want and do it for you.

Given my own rules for taking advice I guess I should show I have a good relationship with my wife. She could post here and say how wonderful I am if she wants. S and I have the best marriage of anyone we know. We are happy with each others company. We have lots of sex. There is little or no jealousy in our relationship. We don’t have big yelling screaming arguments, being able to deal with problems in calmer ways. I care about her being happy too much to keep doing things that piss her off, and she cares about my happiness too much keep doing things that piss me off.

Its hard to quantify what makes a good marriage. Basically both sides need to be happy and content.

Guess I should point out these ideas aren’t original to me. Steven Covey has them in Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and calls to concept of making others happy an Emotional Bank Account. Tony Robbins also mentions this in some of his books, even going on to say everything we do is because we want to be happy. We have to figure out our own rules as well.

Written while listening to “She Drives Me Crazy”
album The Raw & The Cooked
by Fine Young Cannibals
Written while listening to “Haunted”
album ^a
by Evanescence
Written while listening to “My Immortal”
album Origin
by Evanescence

2 thoughts on “Making others happy”

  1. Some people love having big screaming fits. It’s a great way to release tension and get through a discussion.

    That said, I don’t. Often when I argue with my husband, it isn’t over what we are arguing about. For instance, this morning I was upset because I had to listen to a message three times to get the phone number. What I was really upset about is that I don’t hear well. It may be getting worse because I am having more trouble hearing my younger son…

  2. Some people love having big screaming fits. It’s a great way to release tension and get through a discussion.

    That said, I don’t. Often when I argue with my husband, it isn’t over what we are arguing about. For instance, this morning I was upset because I had to listen to a message three times to get the phone number. What I was really upset about is that I don’t hear well. It may be getting worse because I am having more trouble hearing my younger son…

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